A visitor to Santa, "Which is Mr Banta's flat?"
Santa: Please come with me.
The visitor is taken on stairs to the 3rd floor.
The visitor rings the bell and there is no response. He rings it again and again and still no one answers.
Visitor: I think he is not in.
Santa: Yeah, he has gone out. He'll be back in the evening!
Dating Ads for Seniors found in a Florida Newspaper. You can say what you want about Florida, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north. These are actual ads seen in "The Villages", a Florida newspaper.
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty. 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flossier to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
Santa and Banta decided to rob a bank but during the process of the robbery they mess it up, but they do managing to escape with two sacks that they find on the floor.
They do manage to take one sack each.
After a while they meet again and one asks the other...
Santa: What did you find in your sack?
Banta: Ten lakh Rupees!
Santa: Wow... that's a lot of money!' What did you do with the cash?
Banta: I bought a house. How about your sack?
Santa: It was full of bills.
Banta: And what did you do with them?
Santa: Eh, well... little by little, I'm paying them off...
Banta, an eager young man entered his prospective boss's office for an interview.
"One thing our company is very particular about is cleanliness. I hope you wiped your shoe on the door mat while coming in?" said the boss.
"Yes sir," Banta replied promptly.
The boss continued, "One more thing we're very particular about is honesty. There is no door mat outside!"
A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.
"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer.
"What do you do?"
The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say, 'The devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'The devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."
Counsel: "Are you a qualified pathologist?"
Counsel: "On 21st June, 2013, do you recall being at Regina Hospital in the evening?"
Counsel: "And do you recall examining a deceased person called Harold Schindler there at that time?"
Witness: "Yes." Counsel: "Approximately what time did you start the autopsy?"
Witness: "At about 7.30 p.m."
Counsel: "And Mr. Schindler was dead at that time?"
Witness: "No, he was sitting on the table asking why I was doing an autopsy on him."
Ever wondered how a lawyer could write a love letter to his girlfriend? To .....,
Sub: Offer of love!
Dearest Ms ......,
1. That I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 7th of August (Wednesday).
2. That with reference to the meeting held between us on the 11th of Aug. at 15:00hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
3. That our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.
4. That needless to say and of course, upon completion of probation, I propose that there will be a continuous 'on the job training' and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
5. That I propose that the expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us.
6. That I further propose that later, based on our mutual performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.
7. That however I am broad-minded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
8. That I humbly request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.
9. That I wish to add here that I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation.
Please reply if you desire so...
Adv for y
Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but was unable to pay the fees.
The student struck a deal saying, "I will pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court."
Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course. When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, the student reminded him of the deal and pushed days.
Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves.
The teacher put forward his argument saying, "If I win this case,as per the court of law, the student has to pay me as the case is about his non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, student will still pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way I will have to get the money."
Equally brilliant student argued back saying, "If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher as the case is about my non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, I don't have to pay him because I haven't won my first case yet, So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything."
This is one of the greatest paradoxes ever recorded in history.